In Our Previous Installment… Florence Howling calls Have Doggie, We’ll Doo! (aka The Master Scoopers) for monthly service. As one of our Senior Canine Waste Technicians begins performing our best in class, graceful and exquisite dog waste removal servicing of some sizable turds, he meets the neighbor, Irene.


“Hello? Are you the new landscapers for Florence and Lucian?” Ivan turns around to see the next door neighbor, standing in her yard with a hose in her hand, sprinkling the flowerbeds to the west of her garden.

“Hello! Oh no, actually we’re here removing the dog waste from the yard. See my van there in the front? That’s us – Master Scoopers, Chicago’s original dog waste removal service! I’m Ivan. How are you?”

“That’s a surprise! Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you there. Nice to meet you Ivan, I’m Irene. See, I was telling Florence just the other day that they have the perfect space for some new plants. She said she was thinking about it, but I know she loves the kids running around the yard without obstacles in their way. And those parties they give! May I ask, is the cleaning for last night’s party?”

“I wouldn’t know – just here to cleaning out and removing the dog waste! And I tell you, there’s plenty of it!” 

“The dog waste? Why, the most strange! But that just doesn’t…”

Ivan waits for her to finish her thought, but her puzzlement remains. “The dog waste? But how is it… ” he hears her say to herself again.

“They told us they host doggy play dates once a month for their friends and dogs. You know how big dogs are… well, we take care of the aftermath.”

“But Ivan, I was invited for cocktails. I had to leave early, but I didn’t see any other dogs with the guests!”

“Oh strange… but you see, if your dogs are on the bigger side, they can surprise you with how much they can poop! All that waste starts to accumulate while you’re living life. What were the dog’s names again – Kali and Loki?”

“But Ivan, Kali and Loki are chihuahuas!”


“Well, that was a strange day,” sighs Ivan, as he sets down his bag on the dining room bench. Even though he did his best to calm down Irene, her perplexion stayed with him.

The mysterious dog poop in the garden after the party with multiple guests… Who would let their dogs poop in the yard, and then leave it, during a cocktail party anyways? And there’s no way chihuahuas could poop like that, it doesn’t matter what they ate.

“Is everything alright?” Diane came in from the kitchen. “I’m making lasagna for dinner.”

“Diane, we’ve been in this business for thirty years now. Tell me, just how big can a chihuahua poop can be? Can it be … this big?”

“Eww, we’re about to eat! What are you talking about?”

“Well, it turns out the Howlings have chihuahuas but the dog waste removal produced today could have belonged to a Great Dane!”

“They said they were having friends over with dogs – maybe they have Mastiffs or Irish Wolfhounds. I’ve been seeing more and more of those.”

“The neighbor said she didn’t see any dogs. She was there at the party. I really hope it was Irish Wolfhounds.”

“I’m sure there’s an explanation. The dog poop just didn’t appear out of nowhere now, did it? You sure you’re alright? Maybe you’re just tired.”

“Not more than usual.”

“Just relax then. Let’s have some dinner, eh? Maybe last night’s full moon got to you!”